From Croissant Country To Cramp Country. A Review of Mortal Hydration's Flavors and Functions.
There's something almost poetic about watching cyclists race through rolling vineyards and cobbled village lanes while sucking down a salty watermelon drink mix. No? Well, welcome to the modern Tour.
Gone are the days of sipping pinot at the top of a climb (salut to the early romantics). Today's riders are dialed, and hydration is as strategic as tire pressure and watts per kilo. And for those who take their hydration seriously, Mortal Hydration is stepping up.
The Science Bit
Every scoop of Mortal is loaded with a clean blend of electrolytes: sodium, magnesium, calcium, and potassium. Engineered to replace what you sweat out in the heat of battle (or Sunday's group ride). And unlike the syrupy stuff that makes your bottle feel like a melted popsicle, Mortal lands light. Just 10g of carbs means it plays nice with whatever fuel you're using, and NSF Certified for Sport keeps it clean and trusted from local legends to the World Tour.
The Flavors
(Allez, this is where it gets juicy.)
🍊 Grapefruit
Bright. Tart. Just enough bite to remind you you're alive halfway through a climb.
Pairs well with: crisp mornings, long climbs, and pretending you're racing the peloton out of Pau.
🍉 Watermelon
Clean, classic, and refreshingly unsweet. It's summer in a bottle, without the stickiness.
Pairs well with: post-work rides, tempo efforts, and stolen sips while waiting at the stoplight.
🌺 Aloha
Tropical, but not in that tiki-bar way. Think island breeze meets prologue warm-up.
Pairs well with: heat waves, base miles, and dreaming of the beach while stuck on your trainer.
All flavors come in two versions: Regular (450mg sodium) or Salty (925mg sodium), so you can adjust based on your sweat rate, race plan, or how many croissants you had at breakfast.
🥖 Fun Fact
Did you know the average French croissant has roughly 230 calories and 26g of carbs? That's almost identical to the carbs you'll burn every 10-12 minutes of hard riding. So yes, Monsieur Le Cycliste, carb-loading with viennoiserie is now scientifically justified.
The Verdict
Mortal hydration is for riders who want real performance without the fake sweet. No gut bombs. Just clean, drinkable hydration that feels as natural on the bike as your cadence. Because whether you're sprinting in the streets of Saint-Étienne or spinning past your local cafe, hydration is primal. And taste matters.
Allez. Drink up.
